Like D-Med, I am ridiculously successful at talking myself into a variety of foot coverings, many of which my professional life does not demand. And so, as a means to further justify my purchases, and as D-Med has already done here, and here, I shall review (some of) my (summer) shoe collection.
Before I begin, I should disclose that there is a huge and heavenly shoe boutique near my in-law’s place. Usually, I visit on holiday weekends when the shoe heaven’s having a sale. The sales are never great – they specialize in 10-15% off – but it’s always enough to make me look. And try. And convince myself I can teach in them. . .
Workhorses – With Lift: black & cork wedges, Clarks; brown plastic & goldish neoprene flipflops, Sketchers; fuchsia patent-leather t-strap flat-platforms, remixed, all from Shoe Heaven.
PROS: comfortable – after spring training, can be worn all day; match most things
CONS: this horrible photo effect that I cannot undo; also, one wedge makes a fart-like whooshing sound with every step; flipflops break down quickly & require Foot Petals arch cookies; But really, there’s nothing wrong. Nothing. I love these shoes.
SOLUTIONS: see cobbler about fart sound, but come up with way to describe problem that doesn’t require me to say “fart” to cobbler; buy multiple pairs of flipflops; pray to shoe gods that all will last forever
Workhorses – Without Lift: red “u” straps, Clarks (Shoe Heaven); white ankle-straps, also Clarks (but from the same shop in Barcelona where D-Med got her cute ankle-tie Campers); black patent peep-toes with silver buttons, Un Tour en Ville: Chaussures (panicked purchase during conference as all other shoes unexpectedly transformed into torture devices on first day)
PROS: reasonable comfort; great for travel and conferencing; enough heel cushion so plantar fasciitis & heel spurs not entirely inevitable
CONS: white ankle straps do unflattering things to legs; none are appropriate for walking all day (see above re: heel injuries)
SOLUTIONS: wear pants with white ankle-straps; gel heel inserts?; stay in conference hotel (not a wallet-friendly option), or stay elsewhere, walk to conference, but go to only one panel discussion/keynote, then hold court in hotel pub for remainder of day
Les Moody Bruns: peach & brown wedges, Geox (Shoe Heaven); brown faux-croc sandals, Dansko; brass-studded tan with toe strap & stacked heel, Michael Kors (Winners)
PROS: all relatively comfortable if worn on the right day; mix & matchable with (almost) everything
CONS: on the wrong day, these bitches bite; wide strap on Kors does not work with knee-length skirts
SOLUTIONS: carry Foot Glide & bandages at all times; wear Kors anyway & get huge rush wearing shoes could/would not otherwise afford
Female Nudes: blush pointy-toes, Bandolino; sling-back peep-toes, Tahari; both from Winners
PROS: nude, so match everything; graduated colour on slingbacks is like latte in glass mug; non-foot cutting
CONS: blush are half-size too big (why did I buy these? Oh, right – remarkable discount); neither are great for hiking to giant lecture hall
SOLUTION: swap Bandolinos (size 10 Bandolino, anyone? anyone? Bueller?); wear flats & switch for slingbacks on campus-hiking days
Here’s Your One Chance Fancy: gold wedges, Arturo Chiang (Shoe Heaven); fuchsia sandals, Naturalizer; bronze ankle-strap kitten heels, Vitelli (Shoe Heaven)
PROS: wedding & summer-dress-up friendly; wedges make me super-tall & my legs super-long; all totally rad with LBDs
CONS: have all begun to shabbify as result of multiple wedding-wearings & 1 epic trip to Vegas
SOLUTION: ask cobbler if any can be saved; begin shopping for replacements asap; get time machine working, return to past & buy multiple pairs of each; also use time machine to prevent “incident” that ruined golden goddess sandals last summer
Formal, But Not for Fancy: black & white pointy-toes, Andrew Geller (Winners); black slides, What’s What by Aerosole (DSW); brown, gold, & leopard print mary janes, Bobbi Blu (Shoe Heaven)
PROS: classroom staples, more formal & thus fit for meetings; Bobbi Blus keep eyes front in classroom
CONS: surprisingly, all less foot-friendly than Tahari slingbacks; mostly good for sitting, standing still, or pacing thoughtfully while delivering lectures
SOLUTIONS: more Foot Glide; get shares in Foot Glide company; more wearing of flats between office & lecture; never wear at conferences
Rhinestones, Sequins, & Shine: black, leopard print, & rhinestone buckle slides, Dezario (Shoe Heaven, huge discount. massive.); navy sequin espadrilles, Roman Tenza (shoe shop at In Professorial Fashion, Eastern Division); peachy-gold & brown slides with rhinestone buckle, ?? (Shoe Heaven)
PROS: so shiny no one cares about lecture or what else am wearing besides shoes; all ridiculously comfortable, even without Foot Glide or inserts; sequins on Roman Tenzas flip to silver, so two pairs in one
CONS: so shiny no one cares about lecture or what am wearing besides shoes; too silly for academia?
SOLUTIONS: Foot Petals in Roman Tenzas to make even more awesome. Wear neutrals. Try to be as awesome as shoes.
Fuzzy Foot Cover: Wheaten Terrier, remixed; gives this face to returning shoppers whose time would be better spent going to park, or helping rip faces off stuffed bears
PROS: cute, smart, fuzzy, awesome, has doggie dreams that include closed-mouth woofs
CONS: too cute, too smart, skilled guilt-tripper
SOLUTIONS: shoe-shop less; construct doggie blindfold; get him his own flock of Wheatens to supervise who will thus distract him from giving me this face
Will you be posting a shoe catalogue anytime soon? Because that would be really, really awesome.