Yesterday I bought the wrong size jeans. On purpose. I refuse to let a little thing like “trends” get in the way of a look I am going for, yo.
At the store, yesterday:
GAP Employee: (looking me up and down, looking at the jeans, back at me) Did you try these on?
GE: (disbelieving) Do they fit you? I mean, are they snug?
Me: No, not snug but I want tapered jeans that aren’t skinny.These are okay with a belt and they fit the way I want them to in the leg.
GE: (looking incredulous) Our jeans stretch A LOT. (stretching butt of jeans dramatically to demonstrate) Are you sure these are the right size?
Me: Well, the 10 fit me like skinnies and I don’t want skinnies. I would have tried a 12, but you don’t have a 12, so I’m going with these.
GE: (speaking very slowly) Here’s what you should do.See this tag?
Me: (in my head) Gah, what am I? Blind?
GE: (ignoring my practiced “gah” face) Keep this tag on—this is very important.Wear your jeans with the tag on around the house for 2 hours.TWO hours.If they have stretched out too much in that time, you should bring them back.You have 30 days to bring things back in unworn condition, that’s why you have to keep the tag on.And keep your receipt.Here I’m putting it in the bag.(dropping receipt in the bag with a flourish).Thank you for shopping at the Gap.
On the phone with A-Dubs, this afternoon:
AW😦also incredulous) Dude, do those jeans even stay on?Why are you wearing a 14?Were you drunk shopping?Again?
Me: They’re fine.They’re super comfy.They sort of feel like track pants.
AW:You know what else feels like track pants?(dramatic pause) Track pants.
A-Dubs might have a point.