On Shopping: Getting the Size Right (follow up to Cowboy Crazy)

Yesterday I bought the wrong size jeans. On purpose. I refuse to let a little thing like “trends” get in the way of a look I am going for, yo.

Warning: this post contains some very unflattering photos.

At the store, yesterday:

GAP Employee: (looking me up and down, looking at the jeans, back at me) Did you try these on?

Me: Yep.

GE: (disbelieving) Do they fit you? I mean, are they snug?

Me: No, not snug but I want tapered jeans that aren’t skinny.These are okay with a belt and they fit the way I want them to in the leg.

GE: (looking incredulous) Our jeans stretch A LOT. (stretching butt of jeans dramatically to demonstrate) Are you sure these are the right size?

Me: Well, the 10 fit me like skinnies and I don’t want skinnies. I would have tried a 12, but you don’t have a 12, so I’m going with these.

GE: (speaking very slowly) Here’s what you should do.See this tag?

Me: (in my head) Gah, what am I? Blind?

GE: (ignoring my practiced “gah” face) Keep this tag on—this is very important.Wear your jeans with the tag on around the house for 2 hours.TWO hours.If they have stretched out too much in that time, you should bring them back.You have 30 days to bring things back in unworn condition, that’s why you have to keep the tag on.And keep your receipt.Here I’m putting it in the bag.(dropping receipt in the bag with a flourish).Thank you for shopping at the Gap.

 

On the phone with A-Dubs, this afternoon:

AW😦also incredulous) Dude, do those jeans even stay on?Why are you wearing a 14?Were you drunk shopping?Again?

Me: They’re fine.They’re super comfy.They sort of feel like track pants.

AW:You know what else feels like track pants?(dramatic pause) Track pants.

A-Dubs might have a point.

27 thoughts on “On Shopping: Getting the Size Right (follow up to Cowboy Crazy)

  1. Pingback: Things that Make me Fondly Recall the Past | In Professorial Fashion

  2. Pingback: Things that Make me Fondly Recall the Past | In Professorial Fashion

  3. Agreed. Very sophisticated.Jesspgh: I totally get that with many of my jeans. Even the kind with no stretch in them. Are we supposed to buy our jeans a size too small and stretch them out by doing lunges before wearing them out? Too many choices with pants. Argh.A D-Med/A-Dubs trip to NYC would make me squeal with delight. I have never even been to Century 21. Or Barneys. Or really any place other than a few sad chains and many thrift stores. Exciting.

  4. Yes! Welcome, Away from the Keyboard! 'Just checked out your blog and am anticipating learning more about your awesome creative projects.D-Med's out tonight with friends, because she's more successfully, socially, than I am right now. But I'm sure she'll be as excited as I am that you've referred to us as "sophisticated." Also, Rad, D-Med and I have been fantasizing about a NYC trip – you know, for clothes "to teach in" – and now that we "know" you, I suspect our plans will begin to firm up. . .

  5. I feel left out. I thought I was in your cool: Rad, D-Meds, A-Dubs. Now I'm going to sulk….I hate almost all jeans because if I can get them over my legs and butt, they are like 4 sizes too big in the waist. Belts can only do so much.

  6. I sort of like what you are going for here. And the effect is basically a more tapered boyfriend jean. But I hate jeans that I can only wear with a belt so you have to weigh that into the configuration because Gap jeans in my proper size fall off of my (ample) hips after a week of unwashed wear (I am a secret dirtbag about jeans).

  7. D-Med: enjoy the jeans-returning/self-flagellation. I can't say more because I'm being swallowed up by tragic bather-trying-on memories.[uh. shuffle. memory cloud receding. . . ]Ok, I'm back. So, Rad: Jentine at My Edit posted ages ago about patching the parts of her jeans where thighs rub together and break down the material. As I have similar jean-fitting issues, when I find 'em, I need to make 'em last as long as possible. In terms of avoiding the bum-flashing and camel toe situations, I've had limited success. Once in a while, however, I find a pair that fits reasonably well across the hip, then I have a couple of darts put into the waistband and that helps with said modesty issues.That said, I like Lucky Jeans. They are the only brand I've ever owned that haven't needed any alterations. D-Med introduced me to 'em a few years back, and they are awesome.

  8. I think an indication of how much I wanted to get a break from the work I am doing right now is that I thought it would be a good idea to go jeans-shopping. Jeans shopping! I should have tried on bikinis while I was at it. Maybe when I return them …

  9. Yeay for the growing cool internet style clique! A-Dubs, I'd like to hear back about the jeans tailoring.This is my gripe about jeans. I always fit them to my hips (and wear them low) because if I magically manage to fit any pants to anything above the hips (or if I belt to do so), they will not be comfortable when I sit down. The waist band stays in place, but the crotch does something, um, unladylike. It's like a neverending struggle between flashing one's ass crack and suffocating one's lady bits. (This may be unique to me, though, as I have a long rise: distance between my natural waist and crotch).Crotch crotch crotch. This is why I like skirts and they like me back.

  10. I, too, am not young or cool. I am VERY excited, however, that the cool internet clique is getting so big and so travelly. And so I state for the record that LHdM and Style Underdog also belong to us (or at least, with us) now & forever. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!Also, I, too, despise jean shopping because things never fit in the waist if they fit in the hips. For this reason, I'm taking a pile of denim to the tailor this week so the inside of the thighs can be patched.

  11. You are all very funny.Right then, it is agreed the jeans are going back. Don't give up on the jean hunt. Just remember 2% lycra and curvy fit when you go hunting.I wish I was younger so I could TRY and be in your cool clique. Maybe I can bribe my way in…I can't offer NYC but I can offer the Pacific Ocean and surf lessons.

  12. LHdM, you are totally in our cool. clique. I've never actually been in a cool clique before so I'm not sure how to behave. Should we bully someone? I hear you on the jeans. If I can get them over my booty they are inevitably gaping at the waist AND about a 2 feet too long. Clearly designers would like me to know that if I have the audacity to have hips and a butt the size of mine I should at least be over seven feet tall to account for that.It was a very bad idea to go jeans shopping. Especially when I already own FIVE pairs of jeans that fit me. None of them make me look like a gangstah though.

  13. I feel left out. I thought I was in your cool: Rad, D-Meds, A-Dubs. Now I'm going to sulk….I hate almost all jeans because if I can get them over my legs and butt, they are like 4 sizes too big in the waist. Belts can only do so much.

  14. I have bought too-big jeans many times. Jeans that are comfy in the store but by their second wearing are falling down and have to be washed back into shape. I'm afraid Rad might be onto something with buying jeans too small. That sounds tortuous but effective.For the record, D-Med and A-Dubs, Boston is very close to NYC. I'll meet you there. Hint HINT.Though I too see what you were going for here, I also agree that these babies don't fit. Want me to lend you my Arbiter of Pants?

  15. Agreed. Very sophisticated.Jesspgh: I totally get that with many of my jeans. Even the kind with no stretch in them. Are we supposed to buy our jeans a size too small and stretch them out by doing lunges before wearing them out? Too many choices with pants. Argh.A D-Med/A-Dubs trip to NYC would make me squeal with delight. I have never even been to Century 21. Or Barneys. Or really any place other than a few sad chains and many thrift stores. Exciting.

  16. You're all right. I tried to wear these jeans (belted) out for dinner tonight with the friend I stalked but, seriously, what was I thinking?!? Belted there was a lot of wonky pleating that happened because, you know, these are TWO sizes too large! Also, I have this really awesome mirror that somehow makes me lankier than I am and even in that mirror these jeans could not be redeemed. Clearly I am out of shopping practice.I really hope that same Gap dude isn't there when I return these with an I-told-you-so face. Though I would deserve it. Thanks for your honesty all. And welcome new readers!

  17. I sort of like what you are going for here. And the effect is basically a more tapered boyfriend jean. But I hate jeans that I can only wear with a belt so you have to weigh that into the configuration because Gap jeans in my proper size fall off of my (ample) hips after a week of unwashed wear (I am a secret dirtbag about jeans).

  18. Yes! Welcome, Away from the Keyboard! 'Just checked out your blog and am anticipating learning more about your awesome creative projects.D-Med's out tonight with friends, because she's more successfully, socially, than I am right now. But I'm sure she'll be as excited as I am that you've referred to us as "sophisticated." Also, Rad, D-Med and I have been fantasizing about a NYC trip – you know, for clothes "to teach in" – and now that we "know" you, I suspect our plans will begin to firm up. . .

  19. It's true, I stalked A-Dubs and D-Med's blog on the internet back in February or so? We've not met, but if you guys are in the vincinity of NYC, you know you should give a holler.@D-Med, I have second A-Dubs and Style Underdog. Jeans back. Not because of figure flattery rules, but because nothing sucks that a pair of jeans that are just too big, and after these mofos stretch out, they will be that frustrating.Welcome, awayfromthekeyboard. Thanks for reminding us of that important aspect of life.

  20. A friend just directed me to your blog and I must say, I love it! I particularly love the fact that I have caught you relatively near the beginning of your blog project. But I also like both of your fashion senses and your forays into the political. (I worry a lot about not being able to afford ethically made new clothing and not always being able to pull off what I need in the thrifted world.)And I am having a hard time making this id thing work–there is something I am not remembering about my blog username or something. I am no where as sophisticated or consistent with the blogging as you both are, but I am awayfromthekeyboard.wordpress.com

  21. Woo! We met Rad here on the internet! But we are sooo bonded, now. (That's right Rad, you belong to us, now. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa!)Nonetheless, Style Underdog, you are right; I second your point here (and third my own). DM, give in to the shopping bulimia and return those jeans. I'm on board with the shopping bulimia, just this one time.

  22. So, I take it, Rad in Brooklyn, A-Dubs, and you are all friends. I finally got that.Now, I'm not one to give clothing advice, BUT, you need to take those jeans back. They do not fit you. I agree with A-Dubs. I will check back later for update on jean dilema.

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