NSFW: Tailoring for Autoeroticism

Recent developments have simultaneously strengthened AND weakened my resolve to find a better tailor (see blue dress). The dark wash bootleg jeans pictured below have been in my denim rotation since I bought them with D-Med, Kelly Bean, and Rinty the Crusher during the infamous Vegas 2006 tour of faux brides. Five years of vigorous wear lead to some threadbaredness in the crotchal and thighal regions helpfully highlighted for you here:

Red cardigan: Anne Klein (worn last Friday on National Wear Red Day to which Anne & Rad alerted us last week)
Grey top: Kenneth Cole (via Winners)
Jeans: Lucky
Socks: gifted from Santa Claus
Pose: yes, I am brushing my teeth

So I took the jeans for patching* at my current tailor where, instead of sewing two individual patches inside the jeans on the shredded areas, they placed an extra layer of denim inside the entire crotch and upper thigh sections and tacked it in place on the most shredded parts.

Obviously, this strategy is not ideal. It’s not preventing further degeneration in the highlighted areas and all that extra cloth feels like I’m wearing a denim diaper. “Clearly,” I thought, “I need a better tailor.”

While driving to campus Friday morning in these babies, however, I made an important discovery. And then I rediscovered the important discovery on my drive home. And here it is:

The combination of the angle of my car’s driver’s-side seat and the extra denim between my legs makes driving in these newly altered jeans pleasant. Very, very pleasant. As in, for the first time while driving (alone), I found myself thinking “It’s over already? But I was almost there!”

So, maybe I’ll get a few more trousers in to my current tailor. . .

* In fact, they’re already patched in the first image. I don’t have any “before” photos, so we’re using our imaginations today. 

22 thoughts on “NSFW: Tailoring for Autoeroticism

  1. Ahaha… yes, you did just write that. I have had that done to my jeans as well but the results were not as… mind blasting?Anyways… I wanted to tell you that your comment that started with 'Oh my tits' was the best line I have ever read. I shall borrow that expression. Thank you.ps. classic… my word verification is 'singl'… with those jeans…

  2. Ahaha… yes, you did just write that. I have had that done to my jeans as well but the results were not as… mind blasting?Anyways… I wanted to tell you that your comment that started with 'Oh my tits' was the best line I have ever read. I shall borrow that expression. Thank you.ps. classic… my word verification is 'singl'… with those jeans…

  3. I'm clearly jealous. Not only of the tailor, but also your headless ways allows you such free talk. Jealous!I especially enjoy how the red of the cardigan is nicely mirrored with the red of the lipstick mark.

  4. *CE: drop by anytime; we're here all week. (Try the veal!)*LHdM: yeah, me too. I'll only drive in them when I'm very well rested.*C&B: probably because you are overcome with desire for these jeans.

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