NSFW: What I’m not wearing to the Wedding of the Century

No, not that wedding.*  My mother is getting married in a couple of weeks and my brother and I have been conscripted to walk her down the aisle.  This means I have to wear something fabulous and flattering, not just because I will be on display for the event in a way I wish I weren’t but also because this Wedding of the Century is taking place in my backward hometown, a place I have not visited in many, many years and I am none the worse for it.  Until now.

I loved this dress on the model because, you know, she’s a model and that’s her job.
But it is doing me no favours.  Whoever said the wrap dress is universally flattering has never met me.

 
 And why does the skirt hit me at that oh-so-unflattering mid-calf point?  What is she, like, 9-feet tall?
Also, this dress makes me look like I have heaving alabaster bosoms.  And not in a good way.

Silk Chiffon Dress: Diane von Furstenberg
Chunky Beads: Tarina Tarantino
Frump Factor: Inexplicable

The colours of this dress are amazing.  The fabric is lovely and floaty and the dress is lined in thick silk and is comfortable, if slippery, to wear, but for the fact that I look like linebacker in it I should just wear it.  I won’t though.

And because I live in a shopping wasteland, I bought this dress on-line and now I have to sell it on-line.  Blergh.
I’m waiting until I get to the Big City to shop, days before the wedding.  This isn’t going to go well, is it?

I’d really love to wear something like this.  This exactly, actually.  
Substituting fabulous shoes for the sneakers and a fabulous headsuit for the hat, of course.

Why don’t I have anything in my closet that is lovely and that makes me feel lovely?  Am I a Shopping Failure

*How much did I love Pippa’s dress?  A lot.  How appropriate would it be for this Wedding of the Century?  Entirely.

18 thoughts on “NSFW: What I’m not wearing to the Wedding of the Century

  1. If I knew a tailor here and if I had time, I might consider it. I think it will be easier to try to sell it unaltered with the tags still on and cut my losses. I should learn that when models stand at weird angles, it might not be artistic but camouflage for something weird about the dress (i.e. armhole flaps).

  2. You are so sweet! It's true that there is more pressure to look awesome than there usually would be. And now a bit of a time crunch, but I'm sure I'll find something. And I have a couple of things that will do in a pinch. It's all about attitude really, isn't it?

  3. I loved the entire royal wedding. I can't help it, I'm such a sucker for the whole thing. I think you're a fab shopper. Maybe in this case you're just a tad anxious about going home and you want to look absolutely amazing. Can anyone go with you shopping to, if anything, boost the confidence we all know you have? I mean, you are an author of 1/3rd of a fashion blog! You can rock it at your mom's wedding!

  4. Awww, that's stink about the DvF dress, it's got gorgeous colouring. The perils of online shopping eh? Good luck with finding a replacement!Also, Cameron Diaz wore a very similar dress to Pippa's to the Golden Globes but in red……

  5. When I lived in England trying on fascinators in M&S was one of my favourite pastimes. Yes, there are lots of world-class museums in London but I was fascinated by the fascinators, though the English have always worn hats to weddings. I would love to wear the butterfly fascinator that Beatrice wore to Peter Phillips's wedding. And you should definitely wear a version of Kate's dress. I'm so glad that Westminster Abbey insists on sleeves; I hope this is a ripple-effect.And welcome back! I'm thrilled for your good (and scary) news! There is no such thing as too much awesome.

  6. Also, I appear to have used the word awesome twice in one post. Which is unacceptable. But I do think some sort of nice little fascinator would be spot on. Perhaps with netting. Don't you just love how I added "find a milliner" to your Big City to do list?

  7. I don't care if Kate's dress was cathedral ready. I want to get married just to wear something like it. (I might need to grow a foot or so to do so, but I can work with that. I would also need a groom, but to wear a dress like that, I would be willing to marry someone off the street.) However, back to you. I am definitely in the camp that thinks that the dress would be lovely if it was not too big. But sadly, it is too big. I am also in the camp that thinks that the navy suit would be awesome, particularly if you could fine an awesome headsuit. You see, my other reaction to the royal wedding was to decide that we need to bring back the hat.

  8. No return policy (eBay) and too much tailoring to be done with very delicate fabric. But the navy shift and jacket is from Comrags and I'm betting that I can't afford it. This is the danger of waiting to shop until I am in the Big City because I will end up spending way more than I want to spend due to panic mode. Of course, Comrags is maddening to shop at because they have such limited stock most of the time. If they have this outfit in my size though, it would be way more useful than a cocktail dress since I can wear it many more places, including the conference I'm going to the weekend after the wedding.This would be a lot easier if my mother and her intended would just have a simple ceremony at city hall like normal old people.

  9. There's only one BR here and it is small with crappy selection. Plus I find I am between sizes at BR and stuff always looks like it needs to be tailored on me. I'm not ruling it out as a Big City option though. I think a suit would be a much better investment, if I can find one that rocks, since I can wear a suit more often than I can wear a fancy dress in my glamourous life.

  10. I think Pippa's dress is a much more church/city hall-ready than Kate's, which was also stunning but way more cathedral-ready. But you don't have to get married again; you can just get Pippa's dress in some amazing jewel tone. I'm thinking deep red …

  11. Shopping for wedding appropriate dresses is not a fun task. Have you checked banana republic? I had luck with them in the past for weddingy type things, also, Jones New York. The DVF is lovely, just a little too big I think. Also, you could totally rock a suit.

  12. I quite like the colors and I agree with C&B- it is just too big. Any chance you might consider getting it tailored and wearing a white cardigan over it? No return policy either?The navy skirt suit is lovely, and classroom appropriate. I look forward to whatever you end up choosing.

  13. I am so with you – I loved Pippa's dress so much! Sorry about the DVF dress disaster, a very similar online shopping fail has happened to me before though so, solidarity and all that. I'm sure you'll find something when you shop! I'm rooting for you…xoxo ~ Courtneyhttp://sartorialsidelines.blogspot.com

  14. OMG, I loved Pippa's dress, too! Tom and Lorenzo (do you know that site? Everyone should) predict that Pippa's is gonna be the dress more copied for wedding boutiques, not Kate's. I want to get married again simply for an excuse to wear a dress like that. Moving onto yours, though. I don't think it makes you look like a linebacker – I just think it's too big on you! Like, instead of draping, it just…falls. I'm sure you'll figure out something fabulous, though. You need to look smashing if you're going to be in your hometown!

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